


Cradle the Sky in Your Hands

by MercutioLives



Series: Freckle!Spock [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Body Image, Cute, Developing Relationship, Drabble, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Freckles, Insecurity, M/M, Post-Movie(s), Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-26
Updated: 2013-10-26
Packaged: 2017-12-30 12:40:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1018734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercutioLives/pseuds/MercutioLives
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock allows Jim to touch. (Sequel to "Map Your Body Like the Stars".)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cradle the Sky in Your Hands

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hellaillogical](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellaillogical/gifts).



> Yeah, the second one happened. I have no restraint. This time it’s Spock’s POV, and it’s slightly angstier, but nothing too painful I don’t think.

Spock was certain that he should not have been thinking so much about his own body -- that, even when his thoughts were disparaging, there was a certain vanity in it. Yet, when he looked at himself in the mirror and saw the proof of his inferiority on his skin, he could do nothing but stare. Multiple times over the past few weeks, Jim had sidled up to him, making use of their shared bathroom to look his reflection in the eyes and say what he was sure were only innocuous Jim-things. Yet those same things always hit him at his core in a way he was  _not_  sure that he liked.

"Morning, gorgeous," was today's greeting. Spock saw those blue eyes drop from the mirror to his freckled shoulder, and felt the urge to run and hide. He did not, of course, since that would have been entirely too emotional, not to mention completely uncalled-for. Instead, he nodded and walked out -- but not quickly enough to miss the crestfallen look on Jim's face. He did not expect to be followed into his quarters, yet the Captain was suddenly invading his personal space with an expression which he understood Humans often likened to an abused dog.

"Why do you do that?"

"Clarify," Spock responded, a touch too quickly. He knew what Jim meant, but he could not bring himself to answer. A frown marred open, emotional features, and he experienced a twinge of guilt. He did not like to upset Jim: there was something in him that rebelled against the very thought of it, and he would have been lying to say that it didn't frighten him just a little. To have affection for his captain was one thing, but to harbour feelings of such  _intensity_  was utterly unacceptable to the Vulcan in him. In the back of his mind, the portion which he tried desperately to suppress, he felt the tiniest flicker of something that reminded him too much of Mother for his comfort.

"You know, shut down like that. Whenever I try to get close to you, you go all Super Vulcan on me." Spock saw the pain in Jim's eyes, heard it in his voice, but he did not know how to make it go away without sacrificing the parts of him he worked so hard to maintain. When he did not respond, Jim simply nodded and turned his back, disappearing through their joint bathroom and into his own quarters. Unable to bring himself to follow, Spock dressed and focused on maintaining his control. There was work that needed to be done, and it would require his full concentration; he could not allow himself to become distracted.

Both Alpha and Beta shifts passed by without incident. Jim had taken on his Captainly attitude, and there was no hint whatsoever of the minor dispute from that morning. Twice, Spock thought that Jim might say something, but both times it passed with nothing. Once they had both logged their hours for the day, they found themselves together in the turbolift. This was not uncommon, but the atmosphere on this occasion was notably tense. Jim was, as usual, the first to speak.

"Look, Spock -- I'm sorry. About this morning. I know you're trying, and that it's hard for you, but I get so --"

"Jim." For Spock to interrupt him in this way was nearly unheard-of, and Jim stood there gaping like a fish for 2.827 seconds. On another occasion, Spock might have arched his brow in the way he knew Jim found amusing, but now he did not. "It was not my intention to offend or upset you. You are correct: it is difficult for me, not only to engage in romantic relations, but to accept..."

He stopped when the lift came to a halt, stepping out when the Captain gestured for him to do so first. Tacitly, they seemed to agree not to continue until they had reached the privacy of their quarters. A silent, brief debate occurred in which they could not decide into whose they would retire, but in the end they chose Jim's. Together, they sat on the bed, with Jim peeling off his gold shirt and toeing off his shoes. Spock remained fully dressed.

"Anyway," said the Captain as he tossed the shirt across the room and pumped his fist when it landed over the back of a chair, "you were saying, Mister Spock?"

"...Indeed. It is difficult for me to accept that you find me as...physically desirable as you claim. I have attempted to understand, yet I cannot." He was unable to look at Jim. He knew he would see disappointment there, or some other unsavoury emotion which Spock knew would indicate a failing on his part. Fingers brushed lightly against his, however, and he was startled enough to glance upward against his better judgment. There was no disappointment, but something that he could not place. Almost sorrow, he thought, yet somehow other.

"I wanna see you again, like before. Except this time, I wanna see  _all_  of you." In his side, his heart stuttered with a mixture of apprehension and desire. Even as challenging as this was, he could not deny that he desired Jim Kirk. There was a beauty about him that felt wild, potentially dangerous if explored recklessly: it brought to mind Vulcan's Forge, a place that he could never see again, yet was still as fresh in his mind as when he had undertaken his  _kahs-wan_  so many years ago. Yes, he wanted Jim, but how could Jim want him in the same way, when he was so inferior?

"I won't do, y'know, anything." Jim's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Not if you don't want me to. I just want to show you. Telling you won't make a difference. I mean, I could say you're beautiful 'til I'm blue in the face, but it won't change your mind. Maybe showing you won't either, but it's worth a shot. Isn't that logical, Spock?" He considered this a moment, and then slowly nodded. The grin that broke out over Jim's face made the decision worth it, and he stood to undress.

He was more hesitant than he ought to have been, and it took him 27.81 seconds to disrobe entirely, but at last he stood naked before his Captain, and watched as those too-blue eyes drank in his form. A whisper of  _"Christ, Spock"_  left Jim's lips, and although the interjection made no sense to him, the way the words were spoken sent a flush crawling across his skin. Jim patted the bed, and he folded himself back onto it. He watched a cautious hand extend toward him, and when those fingers began tentatively tracing shapes across his chest, he fought the urge to flinch away.

As he became accustomed to the feeling of a warm hand upon him, the second joined its brother. He was pulled close, he was embraced, and Jim was murmuring words in his ear that, despite their proximity and his sharp hearing, he could not catch for the sound of his own blood rushing and drowning them out. Belatedly, his mind registered what had been said:

"Thank you, Spock. You're so beautiful. Like the stars are pressed right into your skin, and who cares if Vulcans don't have freckles.  _You_  have them and that makes them perfect. I don't want you to hate yourself." This was punctuated by a soft kiss just behind his ear that made him shiver slightly. It was not so bad, being touched in this way. As a Vulcan, he was naturally averse to unnecessary physical contact, yet this was not disagreeable -- in fact, it was quite pleasant. It surprised him.

"I would not be averse to repeating this, on occasion," he said quietly, once the embrace had ended. He was still naked, and decided he did not mind. "Perhaps you might also...allow me to reciprocate."

Jim smiled then, his face all alight, and Spock saw what true beauty was.

**Author's Note:**

> Should there be a third? I kind of wanna round it out, but I dunno.


End file.
